Out of the Darkness
by devovere
Summary: Traveling Woman, Part 5. Captain Janeway stops by for a chat, and Samantha is pleasantly surprised by what she has to say.


_The premise of this series is that Samantha Wildman, designated madonna figure of Voyager, has an interior life. It isn't always pretty._

 _Veiled references to depression and suicide._

 _I wasn't a writer, until MiaCooper said I should be. Warmest thanks to her for opening that door and then beta-ing what emerged through it._

* * *

"Captain Janeway! Please come in."

"Captain! Do you need your assistant? Reporting for duty!"

"At ease, Naomi, Ensign." She is grinning broadly. It's nice to see. It's been a long time since we've seen her smile.

"Naomi, I'm here to talk with your mother. Can you give us a minute?"

"Go play in your room, honey."

"Awww….." Her whine dies away as she leaves us.

I offer the captain a seat. She declines tea, patting the cushion for me to join her. Nervously, I sit down.

"I'm sorry for coming after hours; this could have waited until you're on duty, but I was passing by …"

"No, it's fine. You're always welcome here, Captain."

"I just wanted to thank you for your help with the aliens in the Void last week. I should have done so before now, and I'm working with Commander Chakotay to have a commendation put in your file."

I stare at her. I think my mouth is actually open. "I … Captain, I don't know what to say. I wasn't expecting -"

"Your xenobiological training is what allowed us to have a successful first contact. I know events were moving very quickly with the ship under attack and then escaping the Void, but I didn't want you to think your work wasn't noticed."

I'm still stammering, horrified that I sound like I'm arguing, but genuinely confused. "I'm sorry, but I don't understand. When we lost power, I was off duty. Naomi and I were here, in our quarters. We sheltered in place per emergency protocols for families."

"Yes, of course. You did exactly what you should have."

"But … what help was I, then?"

"The Doctor didn't tell you?" Seeing my puzzled look, she continued, "No, I don't suppose he would have. I'm sorry about that; I'll have a word with him. He was only able to diagnose the aliens with theta radiation poisoning so rapidly because he had access to the Delta Quadrant xenobiology databases you've been developing since we arrived here. In particular, it was your synthesis of the predicted interaction of various types of light and radiation on immune function that gave him the baseline physiological estimates for this species that was so uniquely adapted to the total darkness of the Void. Otherwise he wouldn't have known that the one wounded alien in our sickbay wasn't in normal health for his species."

"He really used my work?"

"Yes, Ensign. He did."

I am stunned, and to my renewed horror my eyes fill with tears. I blink them away as best I can and choke out, "Thank you, Captain. It was kind of you to let me know."

She is gazing at me, taking in more than my polite phrases. Seeing me. Then her hand is on my knee, a gesture of connection. I find myself saying more, more than I meant to.

"I've put years into that database. It took me a long time to catch up on the analysis after my parental leave. I was never sure any of it would be useful."

Her gaze loses focus; her tone goes a little softer. "It's hard, isn't it, when you think your efforts haven't amounted to much."

I'm not entirely sure she's talking about me now. I nod, swallowing. Regain my center.

She goes on. "Your scientific work is valuable, Samantha. Don't ever doubt that. I know that we're not always able to prioritize and support it as we'd like to, but it is worthwhile, and it's making a difference to our mission. To our survival."

"Thank you, Captain. I'll keep at it, then." We smile at each other.

Then she surprises me again. "I wanted to get your opinion on something, Ensign. Do you think Naomi is ready for longer separations from you? I know she's only two and a half, and Starfleet policy advises delaying overnight separations from the primary caregiver for the first three years, but that's for human children. I'm not sure what the equivalent would be for a human-Ktarian child."

I consider her words. "I haven't thought about it, but obviously Naomi's development is more advanced because of her Ktarian genetics. It isn't only her size; cognitively she's more in line with where a human five-year-old would be at this point. I'm certain she could understand that I'm coming back. But, Captain … where would I be going?"

"I want to add you to the away mission rotation for science officers."

Her words light a flare in my chest. "Yes, I - I would love to have that opportunity, Captain. I'll talk to Neelix about keeping Naomi overnights if I'm away from the ship. I'm sure he'll be happy to do it."

At my mention of Neelix, something shifts in her eyes, a flash of sympathy and gratitude. "We are lucky to have Neelix, aren't we?" I know she is remembering how close we came to losing him the previous year, and how his devotion to Naomi kept him with us in the end.

I wonder if she knows how lucky we feel to have _her_ , after that bad time in the Void, and how grateful I am for her faith in me. I don't know how to say that to my captain, but I gather my courage, reach for and squeeze her hand. We share another smile, and then she is rising, calling good night to Naomi, and taking her leave.

My heart is lighter for the rest of the night, with a sense of new things ahead.


End file.
